Noah's McDonald's Adventures
by Sir Ben Evans IV of Kanto
Summary: A series of connecting drabbles of Noah working as a fast food employee.


**I own nothing, not McDonald's, not Total Drama, not Ram. I own nothing.**

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"Would you like barbeque sauce with your four-piece?"

"Nah - I think I would rather get -"

"What do you mean you haven't seen _Rabbids_?! What's wrong with you?!"

"I'm sorry, ma'am. What sauce did you say you wanted?"

"R-"

"I mean, what kid doesn't watch cartoons?"

"Excuse me, I couldn't quite catch that."

"Oh my - Look, kid. I want ra-"

"Did you have no childhood?! _Rabbids_ is such a great show!"

"I-I'm sorry. One more time."

"God! Just forget it! I'll just go to Burger King!"

"It's so funny! I can watch it for hours and-"

"Shut up, Cody!" Noah seethed, smacking the boy beside him across the back of the head as he turned off his headset. "We just lost a customer because I couldn't hear them!"

"Why couldn't you hear them?" Cody squinted, rubbing the sore spot on his head. They were stuck in a tiny enclosure of McDonald's Drive-Thru with Cody taking the customers' money while Noah took their orders. Or at least, _tried_ to. He had been stuck in a tiny room with Cody for five hours now, and let's just say it wasn't preferable working conditions.

"Because you won't _shut up_!" Noah scowled, glancing behind Cody at the closed window to see a furious customer banging on the glass to Cody's attention. Turning back to his computer, he threw Cody a disdainful sneer, "You have a visitor."

"Huh? Oh!" Cody gasped, opening the window and chuckled nervously. "Heh, sorry about that. It'll be nine fifty three."

"Noah, dear. What happened to order twenty seven?" the sickly-sweet voice called through his headset and he swallowed, a cold sweat starting to break out on the back of his neck. Great. His boss. He could already see her walking toward the kitchen, a outwardly sweet (although albeit on the chubby side) lady that despite what one may think, you did not want to piss off.

"Um, she drove off." he mumbled, trying to ignore Cody as he waved the customer off to the next window where they would get their food.

"Oh. Alright." she sighed just as another customer drove up to the intercom outside.

Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned on his headset, "Welcome to Main Street McDonald's, how may I help you?"

"I just want a Coke. Easy on the ice."

"Coke, light ice." Noah repeated, tapping buttons on the machine. "It'll be one twenty nine at the first window."

" _Meow_!" he heard a soft _purr_ beside him. No. He shouldn't look. But he couldn't help himself. So, slowly Noah turned to see Cody grinning like an idiot next to him.

He cocked a brow, "Did you just meow at me?"

Cody shrugged, but couldn't stop himself from giggling as he took the next customer's money.

Suddenly, there was another dull _beep_ in his headset and he sighed. Another customer.

" _Meow_!"

Rolling his eyes, Noah didn't even turn to Cody as he flicked his headset on, "Welcome to _meow_ McDonald's."

"Excuse you?" someone answered at the intercom, confused.

"Pfft, dude!" Cody slapped him on the back with that stupid grin on his. "You totally fell for it!"

"I'm sorry," Noah growled, glaring at Cody. "Welcome to Main Street McDonald's. How may I help you?"

"Uh, well… I'll take the two McChickens. Extra mayo, no shred."

"Two McChickens, extra mayonnaise and no shredded lettuce on both sandwiches?" he asked, pressing more buttons on the machine.

"Yep."

"Lovely, it'll be two seventeen at the first window." _Beep_. Yay. More people.

" _Meow_."

"Welcome to Main Street McDonald's, would you like to try our _meow_ arella sticks?" Noah bit his tongue as Cody gave him a thumbs up. "Excuse me, would you like to try our mozzarella sticks?"

"Sure?" someone answered. "I also want a number three, large size. No onions, add mac sauce."

"Alright." Noah mumbled. "And to drink, would you like a Coke?"

"Nah, sweet tea. And can I get those fries no salt?"

"Ram!" Cody called, and Noah only had a second to process what he said before he was punched harshly in the arm.

" _What is your problem?!_ " Noah shouted, glaring at Cody. He took a step back as Noah leaned toward him.

"It's, uh, a game. Like Punch Buggy. Every time I see a Ram vehicle, I punch you as hard as I can. And you do the same if you see a Ram." he leaned back on the window, breaking eye contact with Noah.

"Noah, dear? You're not having another one of your episodes right now, are you?" his boss hummed through the headset. "I know the customers aren't always the brightest, but remember, the customer is always right!"

"Crap." Noah paled, turning back to his computer. He forgot to turn off his headset before yelling at Cody, so he just yelled at some poor sucker at the intercom. "S-Sorry. You said no salt fries?"

"If it's not too much trouble, but you know - don't bother if it's a hassle or something."

"Great. Six forty six at the first window." he sighed. _Beep_. "Welcome to Main Street McDonald's, can I-"

"Have you actually tried the mozzarella sticks?" Cody wondered, handing a man his change. "

"Excuse me for just a moment, miss." Noah scowled, turning off his headset and turned his head toward Cody. "No, I have not. What is your problem?"

"I dunno?" Cody frowned. "I'm just really hyper today. I had a bunch of candy earlier."

"Oh, you did _not_ just put me on hold!" the lady on the other end of the intercom snapped. "Ma'am! I want a fish sandwich and three spicy McChickens! Just the sandwiches, not a meal!"

"Okay." Noah bit the inside of his cheek as he turned his headset back on. Did she really just _ma'am_ him? "Will that be all for you today?"

"Make that fish sandwich plain. And gimme a McRib meal."

"'Kay." Noah clenched his jaw, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself.

"Also an extra McRib for a dollar, and three sweet teas. That's all, ma'am."

"Okay. Your total will be fifteen sixteen at the first window." Noah hissed, turning off his headset and glancing to see Cody's window was closed before banging his fist on the wall. "Crap, crud, shit, dammit, _shit_! Stupid, rude, friggin' Nethanderals!"

"Dude?" Cody tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up at him. Just as Noah met Cody's gaze, he was socked hard in the stomach. "Ram!"

"Oof!" he wheezed, sinking to his knees.

"Hey, guys." Duncan popped into the enclosure, his grill apron covered in burger grease. His eyes widened, "Uh, didn't mean to walk in on a moment or anything, but Misses McClean is pretty pissed at you, Noah. And Cody, you're off."

"Oh, yeah!" Cody grinned, patting Noah on the back as he walked around him. "Who's replacing me?"

"B."

"Alright! Later, Noah!" Cody grinned, taking off to the break room to go fetch his coat.

As Noah got up, he sighed as a short, stout boy brushed past him wordlessly as Noah turned on his headset, "Hey, how may I help you?"

"Ten cheeseburgers. Plain."

"Alright. Twelve fifty one at first window." Noah waved Duncan off, starting to feel his headache start to lessen. Good. Cody was gone, so now he could concentrate on work. And while he took orders and B took the customers' cash, he realized how awkward the silence was between orders. It was calm, yes, but that didn't mean he particularly enjoyed it.

Was it weird to prefer Cody's chaotic idiocy to B's silence? Because with each passing moment in that tiny enclosure with B, Noah found himself missing someone yelling in one ear while a customer yelled in the other. Was it weird to miss even that stupid _Ram_ game?

Well, let's not go that far. He didn't miss Cody that much.

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 **This happened to me at work yesterday. I was working drive-thru and this chick (my co-worker) is just going on and on about different cartoons, then punches me in the arm because she saw a Ram truck of all things, so I turn to her to see her grinning at me...and dear God, she had a gap in her front teeth. I was staring at it for a moment before thinking** _ **oh, shit**_ **. And those rude customers… I feel Noah's pain (I'm a sixteen-year-old dude, not a forty-something lady working drive-thru at McDonald's. Don't ma'am me. Come on.).**

 **So I was inspired. I might turn this into a series. My life at work is oddly entertaining and several of my co-workers could easily fit into the profiles of Total Drama characters. So maybe…**

 **And I was going to write for my multi-chapter stories, I promise. But then this happened at work. And I had to do it before I lost inspiration.**

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 **REVIEW, FAV, & FOLLOW!**

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 **Signing out,**

 **Sir Ben Evans IV of Kanto**


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